Online Dating – Oh, What a Paradise it Seemed

What gets you the initial date is a well-crafted profile – funny, but with some substance. But how accurate is this sketch of you? Most online dating sites have sorted out candidates for you based on the info you put in. Read yours carefully, because we’re sure she has. Obviously, play to your strengths, but don’t lie – women can smell a fraud. In the harsh glare of the lights during a date, you’ll get found out and be back to square one. Of the people we talked to, this was one of the biggest complaints. Veterans know they should tweak their profile regularly. If you’re getting lots of first dates, but very few follow-ups, checking your profile is a start. 

The world’s gone totally mad. People are either too busy or too jaded to care about things we should always care about. Seriously, we’re so busy that we can’t make time to sleep, time to eat, and now we can’t make time to date. The process of meeting someone has become so arduous, we can’t wrap our minds around doing the “meet and greet” thing another time. What if she’s not the one? Why waste all that good energy on some woman who isn’t going to be around away? Enter online dating. You submit a few photos, answer some questions, and write a few witty lines and you’re as good as hooked up with your dream girl, right? The purpose of the online dating site is to get you a date off-line. What a lot of guys have found, online dating can be a fool’s paradise. You have tons of options and tons of reasons for failure. The biggest reason: expectations. Just because you got a laundry list of what makes them tick, doesn’t mean that the chemistry will be there. And what’s worse than meeting someone who meets all of your criteria, and it still doesn’t work out. We know people who’ve increased the number they date by ten-fold, yet aren’t having any more “success” in establishing relationships, which is part of the reason. This is the world of online dating. Think of it like a résumé, you can have hundreds of qualified candidates, but only one is right for the job. Trust us, we’ve talked to many about this and we condense our research into a quickie primer for going about it.

Profile

• Don’t false advertise. If she thinks she’s getting the next “one,” a Kevin Garnett, and she winds up with Kwame Brown, she won’t be happy and you won’t get another date.
• No amount of hair gel or pair of lifts will make taller. If you’re 5’9”, say so.
• You’re not Secret Service, you don’t have a yacht, and Ice Cube isn’t your cousin. Stop lying. Eventually, she’ll find out and you’ll be a busted fraud.

One other question you should be clear about is “why are you there?” Any number of people dive into the online dating arena because they just want to meet “the one” – how do you think eHarmony.com makes its money? That’s why they have all the evaluators, exact match calculators, and other stuff to “really find out what you’re looking for.” If you’re just looking for dates, put that out there. There are plenty of women who will spend their time and your money for some hardcore jollies without the promise of a ring.

Purpose

As we just alluded to, knowing why you’re joining a site is something you need to know at the outset. Dating, but not looking to get serious, then stay away from relationship-oriented sites like Loveawake.com. That means doing a bit of research. Fortunately, sites like DatingSitesReviews.com provide information about sites and their intended audiences. Furthermore:

• Don’t date women outside of your area code (or codes). They are known a G.U.D. – geographically undesirable. It won’t help you if you want a relationship to have to wait for your computer to go “Ding!” for a special sale to see her.
• Remember that all of the old courtship rules still apply; you just have to transmit them across the World Wide Web to be heard.
• Know that people lie, especially to those they don’t have face-to-face relationship with. If it’s going well, get face to face as soon as possible.
• That being said, take a chance! The most it costs you is a meal, assuming you figure out it’s not working early on. But you can’t win if you don’t play. 

Photos

Why on earth someone thinks posting a photo of someone else is going to work is beyond us, but it happens. Your picture can make or break the deal, but faking isn’t going to help, seriously. Short of having a professional photo taken (which is a no-no), remember this

• If your picture is more than two years old, you should put up a more recent one.
• Again, it should be of you.
• Also, don’t post your high school varsity photo. No one gives a damn if you were all-county Palookaville in 1990. And, it’s been nearly 20 years since the photo was taken.
• Get a friend to take a photo with good lighting, a neutral background, and you with a smile. Take time to set up a good shot, showing your best self.
• Pick a natural setting (not you on a stack of $50s or among a dozen scantily clad women – that’s not exactly sending the message you want) No Photoshop or other digital touch-ups. Everyone else may be faking it, but you don’t have to.

Think of online dating as another tool to get you to meet the type of women that you’re interested. You still have to do the leg work, still have to make the good impression on the first date, and so on, but online dating provides you another way to meet more pre-selected women. But just like the credit card offers that come in the mail, you have to read the fine print. If it seems too good to be true, it probably is. Those 6’ tall, rich, nymphomaniacs who are stable don’t just walk around the streets for long periods of time, so you might want to hold up on that trip to Belize. You still need to use common sense.